
DISCLAIMER: this is not a critical reevaluation, but a personal story.
alligator came to me at the perfect time.
after blogging for quite a few months, and hearing about this album that was supposedly excellent from this band that was touring with clap your hands say yeah (do you remember blogging in 2005? it was a different world back then), i went to borders (don’t laugh) with my girlfriend at the time, and picked up the national’s third and breakthrough album.
it just so happens that day was the beginning of the last leg with my girlfriend.
after the breakup/subsequent messy aftermath with said girlfriend (details in my revisit of death cab for cutie’s we have the facts and we’re voting yes, the other album that got me through the breakup), i was, naturally, a complete fucking wreck. the songs that i had only spent about a week with started to take shape much differently.
“daughters of the soho riots,” with its somber acoustic guitar picking and matt berninger’s ruminations on having good clothes in the car, and having fingernails painted, and remembering everything wrong obviously tugged at the heartstrings, as she grabbed what few clothes she kept at my house, clutched in her painted fingernails (even though berninger was talking about his own, but let me have my moment, please).
the very next song, “baby, we’ll be fine,” over the driving percussion and a pretty great guitar line, displays imagery paralleling my own life (the boss saying “i’ve been hearing good things,” taking a forty-five minute shower and kissing the mirror), and right before more paralleling (”i put on an argyle sweater and put on a smile/i don’t know how to do this”) comes the kicker line, and a motto of mine for the past few years: “baby, we’ll be fine/all we gotta do is/be brave and be kind.” as the strings swell the song to emotional heights (or depths) my eyes cannot take without welling up a little, the final line, “i’m so sorry for everything,” made me want to call her and say the same, even though it really wasn’t my fault.
while we’re sticking to the sad songs on alligator, the song after that, pierced a hole in my heart with the line, “you should have looked after her better/you should have looked after her more.” “val jester” holds significance with the line, “all the most important people in new york are nineteen,” due to the ex in question spending her nineteenth birthday in college in upstate new york. damn you, personal significance!
now, onto a not-so-dark song: “all the wine,” with its self-aggrandizing imagery (”big wet rose in my teeth,” “i’m a festival, i’m a parade!”) and the somewhat nonsensical lines i liked to sing along to (”i’m a birthday candle in a circle of black girls/god is on my side”), always put a smile on my face, but it was the bridge and its exclamation of “all safe and sound!” which really lifted my spirits. “the geese of beverly road” was pretty much the same, with its “we’re drunk as fuck/and our legs are open/our hands are covered in cake/but i swear we didn’t have any” eliciting a few needed chuckles from yours truly, and the line, “we’re the heirs to the glimmering world” putting a little hope in anyone’s heart.
“city middle,” being the last spot of darkness, held the moments where i would stare at my drink and try not to remember when me and my girlfriend went to where they hang the lights. and although i’ve never seen her do anything like piss in the sink, the song did spark some weird memories. more uncomfortable than unusual, you know?
and, of course, there is the exclamation point of the album, “mr. november,” which should inspire anyone. if “i won’t fuck us over/i’m mr. november!” is a mantra that doesn’t get you off of your ass, then you’ve obviously never been through the hell that is the post-breakup blues.
MP3: the national- baby, we’ll be fine.